Half Assed Essays

So the other day, my friend Dave was posting about his dinner plans and he mentioned that he doesn’t make “half-assed tacos”.

Of course my mind went in a completely different direction and I thought:

Holy Cow, that would be a great restaurant name: HALF ASSED TACOS

Personally, I would see that name and assume it was being ironic and they would in fact serve some truly delicious tacos.

I later learned that some people (cough, Annie) don’t want to eat at a restaurant with the word “ass” in the name.

Okay, fair enough. Pivot …

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I woke up this morning and thought, wait, this could also be a great name for a substack publication.

Don’t worry, I’m not planning to rebrand again.

But if I was …

Hear me out:

In marketing they say to under promise and over deliver.

This sets the bar exactly where I can maybe, possibly, sometimes reach it.

And if I wanted a way to enhance my bio, it’s built it:

I’m a bonafide expert at half assing almost anything … just ask Kelly

This plan would fit my natural work ethic perfectly.

From now on: no researching, no editing, zero thinking required.

Just type out first drafts and immediately hit publish.

Totally on brand.

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Wait, I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.

I’m pretty sure this is a gold paved path to internet riches.

I mean the call to action at the end of each post pretty much writes itself …

My girl’s mom in 2010 when we saw this scene: “oh look, a group of Todds”

If you want to see my Full Ass (effort) it will only cost you $8 a month.

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Wait, what? Only Fans is already doing that? … oh well, to be real, I’d probably have to pay you anyway to compensate for the trauma. 🤠

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Think someone else might enjoy this post?

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