A Difficult Conversation About College Costs

My Daughter Jaiden is a straight-A student this (her senior) year.

She currently works in fast food and has done a really great job saving most of her paychecks. She’s also taken criminal justice for two years at her high school and is a teacher’s aide for the class this year. A few months back the local police chief singled her out by name and told the teacher to make sure she applies for their internship program this summer.

I thought that sounded like the path she was going to take.

Then in November she started telling people that she was going to go to NAU (Northern Arizona University) in Flagstaff to study engineering and architecture. I’m a little dubious about the engineering part, as I’m not quite sure she understands the kind of math that sort of degree would involve.

But I let her run with it. I even let her fill out the application, thinking she’d either hit a roadblock, or realize herself that this idea might be little above and beyond.

We talked a little more about it last weekend and ended the conversation with her telling me there was a $300 acceptance fee, but she could pay it herself, and “it’s not really due until the summer”.

A couple of days later, while we are in Chicago, she texts me to say she paid the acceptance fee and wants my advice about about housing and eating plans.

Yikes!!!!

This had gone further and faster than I had intended.

It was time to have the talk I was hoping to avoid, but really should have had much sooner.

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First a little background …

My oldest son is 35 and my youngest daughter is 15. I have five children by birth and over the course of my adult life have also had a part in raising five more during their youth and/or teenage years. That’s 10 altogher. I’m not entirely sure how this happened. In fact, when his mom was pregnant with my currently 17 year old, her step-brother (who was about 8 at the time) remarked that he thought we didn’t even like kids.

I do … love them all.

But it’s a minor miracle I have two dimes to rub together right now.

My 5 kids all together in Florida in 2016

Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing okay, but just not (send 10 kids to college) weathy.

Or as I put it to my daughter more recently …

I have “help with community college” money, not $30K a year university money.

So we talked …

I started out by telling her how proud I am of her for taking the initiative to think about her future. I also acknowledged that between her savings and a small settlement she has from a car accident two years ago, she could likely swing a semester, or even the first year all on her own.

But what about the next 3 years?

You might not be surprised to learn that she hadn’t really thought about that.

I had though. 😐

Her response to this realization was a bit more predictable …

Wait, so either I don’t go, or I end up $100,000 in debt?

I am ever the optimist (you really don’t know what might happen), so I told her that it’s not necessarily that cut and dry, but those are the two most likely outcomes. But I also told her that I’d be happy to help her talk through some options.

We have a bit of recent experience with this sort of thing. This past spring after he graduated, Kelly’s son really wanted to go run at a college (Paradise Valley) in Phoenix. His potential situation was not quite as daunting. But housing and food ($1,000-$1,500 a month) were still going to present issues. After a couple of weeks of soul searching, he decided to join the Navy.

I of course presented this as an option for my daughter too, based on my own youthful experiences:

She is not so sure about that option. At the moment, her line in the sand is that she’d have to take our her piercings. (I’m not positive that’s the real end of the discussion, but I’m not pushing it).

She’s also not a fan of staying at home for a couple more years to knock out her core classes at the local community college while saving more money … although if I had to bet right now, this is probably the most likely path she’ll be on at this time next year … especially if she does the police internship.

I’m not sure exactly where/how this is going to go.

She had a few tears while we were talking last night, but then woke up this morning with a smile and positive demeanor. I am very lucky that she’s such a smart and sensible kid.

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For now, we’re just going to keep talking, and I’m going to keep doing my own research so that I can be well informed as I try to guide her.

I don’t want to be a dream killer.

But I also can’t let her make a potentially life altering mistake.

Nobody ever said parenting would be easy.

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So how did (or would you) navigate this middle-class dilemma (not enough income to outright pay for college, but too much for grants and aid)?

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Think someone else might enjoy this post?

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